Samstag, 26. Dezember 2009

Haunted



I just finished reading this great work of fiction, best thing to do on the christmas days... I KNOW YOU CANT READ! I MAKE IT SHORT!

This book is by far not the best thing Chuck Palahniuk created, I would put it rather at the bad end of his work, but it's still worth a read and has it's moments. Really does hard.
All in all this is a collection of short stories, held together by a rather conceptual background story about a writer's retreat the grande bouffe way. Madness all around me, I feel it in my toes... or not, beacause toes and fingers get hacked of by the rate of 2 per page. Cruel.
That's also the overall characteristic of the stories, cruel. Cruel and genious. Palahniuk does what he does best and that is to show how unbelievably fucked up our world is, and how his charcters cope with that in their unconventional and exemplaric way. So far nothing new, but like most authors he can concentrate his ideas better than in the longer novels. The novels are better, but here, every story kicks your nuts hard and some, like "guts", "Speaking bitterness" or "exodus" even stay with you for various reasons.



If you really like to read his best stuff, read "Rant", "Invisible monster", "Choke" and "Fight Club". Then read his other novels. Then read "Haunted".
You won't be disappointed.

Sonntag, 20. Dezember 2009

Back with the living...

You might have noticed I didn't get around posting stuff for a while... This has a reason, and probably one of the best!
My last two weeks were a bone crashing, gut munching low ammo nightmare par excellence because, you already geussed it, right?
Yeah, I did the marathon.

As I only got a PS2 at the moment (Gamecube is on the way, got it for 12 € on ebay ;)
the playing concentrated on:

- Resident evil PSX
< The first release, so no chosing difficulties. Lord, I hate snakes. Finished with both Chris and Jill.>

- Resident evil 2 PSX
< Hard difficulty. Finished only with Leon. Second disc scrached, so no claire, already ordered the gamecube version.>

- Resident evil 4 PS2
< Normal difficulty. Finished 20 minutes ago. Professional mode is waiting.>

- Resident evil Outbreak File #1 PS2
< About a thousand times on different difficulties, but what counts: All scenarios on very hard.>

That's it, now I can sleep again ;)
Zero, Rebirth, second and third, all for gamecube, are on it's way, this will be a rather messy christmas. Ah, and just for relaxing purposes I finished Silent hill 2 two more times, once to get the last ending (dog^^) and the last time for a perfect rating/Green spray. I wanted to do that for years now...

Got more time now, so await more posting from my side!
Gory christmess...

Samstag, 19. Dezember 2009

Ultimate-Christmas-Presents-della-Lucha

Hey little suckers....allready got your presents on your back?
Here's what Dr. Wagner would buy!

#1: You like the smell of coffee in the morning?Now you can smell Dr. Wagner coffee!


#2: Want something to eat for breakfast and to join your delicious lucha coffee?Feel free to make yourself some cupcakes....lucha style!


#3: After a perfect start of the day you wanna hit the toilet?But not without a nice read! IMAGE COMICS Lucha Libre


#4: Now tie your shoes and get ready for ultimate training!


#5: Don't forget your gymbag!


#6: There's only one hoody to wear if you train like a real wrestlingstar!


#7: Damn what time is it?Hell yeah time for workout!


#8: After a awesome day of lucha training you're feeling really hungry?Let's do it!


Any questions?Now get out and catch some presents!May Dr. Waagner bless you and feliz Navidad.

Samstag, 12. Dezember 2009

Make yourself a Twinkie



Ingredients for the cake:

* Non-stick spray
* 4 egg whites
* 1 16-oz (about 450g) box of golden pound cake mix
* 2/3 cup(about 475ml) of water

Ingredients for the filling:

* 2 tsp very hot water
* 1/4 tsp salt
* 1/2 cup shortening
* 1/3 cup powdered sugar
* 1/2 tsp vanilla
* 2 cups marshmallow creme (or one 7 oz jar)

Instructions:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit/160-ish degrees Celcius/Gas Mark 3.
2. Make the molds out of aluminium foil as per the instructions in the video, you will need about 10 of them, and don’t forget to use the non-stick spray!
3. Beat the egg whites until stiff as per the video. In a separate bowl combine the cake mix with water and beat until thoroughly blended. Then, pour the egg whites into the cake mix and slowly combine until blended.
4. Pour the batter into the molds such that it’s about 3/4 of an inch deep in each one. Bake in the pre-heated oven for around 30 minutes, or until the cakes are golden brown and a toothpick will come out clean.
5. To do the cream filling, first mix the salt into the bowl of hot water, and mix until the salt is dissolved. Let it cool.
6. Combine the marshmallow creme, shortening, powdered sugar, and vanilla in a bowl and mix until light and airy.
7. Pour the salt water solution in and mix.
8. When the cakes are done, just use a chopstick and bag or pastry gun as in the video to inject the cream filling.

Rules of Zombieland

#1 Cardio
#2 Double Tap
#3 Wear seatbelts
#4 Beware of Bathrooms
#5 No Attachments
#6 Cast Iron Skillet
#7 Travel Light
#8 Kill with efficiency
#9 Always work on your mexican wrestlingstyle
#10 Show no mercy, it's not your mom anymore
#11 Get a singlehanded steel crowbar
#12 Bounty paper towels
#13 Never get in close combat
#14 Shoot a amateur porn (It could be your last)
#15 Bowling Ball
#16 Support your local cinema
#17 (Don't) Be a hero
#18 Limber Up
#19 Get a kickass partner
#20 Don't swing low
#21 Avoid Strip Clubs
#22 When in doubt, know your way out
#23 Shoot first...why spend time for talking
#24 Twinkies don't last forever
#25 (Don't) Do the robot when in danger
#26 Just try to survive
#27 Pump up the volume
#28 Always carry a change of underwear
#29 The Buddy System
#30 It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Unless it is a sprint, then sprint
#31 Check the back seat
#32 Enjoy the little things
#33 Swiss Army knife

#1 Zombie-Movietime-Award

Hell yeah we got our first winner:


You wanna know why? Cause it's a fuckin' awesome movie or let's say: "Time to nut up or shut up!"
So what do we got? OK here's the deal!
It's 30% zombies in their whole variety,...



20% for Thallahassee and his all purpose quotes,...



and 50% of rules to follow!!!!
(Don't panic, you'll get them in a seperate post....yes all of them, all 33 rules of Zombieland)

For those of you little pussys who ask themselves right now:"What the hell?That's all?"
Of course not, here's the joker!A 100% bonus goes out for: Emma Stone!!!

Dienstag, 8. Dezember 2009

Movietime! > Friday the 13th <



Here we go!
Again I could write 60 pages for you on these movies, but I will keep it short.
The "Friday the 13th" series represents the 80's slasher genre like nothing else. Alongside "Halloween", "A nightmare on Elmstreet", "Child's play" and perhaps "Leprechaun", Monsieur Vorhees and his beloved Momster rocked the horror business hard in these times.
I put Jason before Myers, Krueger, Chucky and all the others, but everybody has his darling amongst the mentioned characters, and everybody has a gazillion reasons why one of them is better than the other. Let's not talk about that here.
The reason I'm reviewing this series here is that I finally had the time to watch the remake, and I gotta say, I liked it. I kid you not.


I was, like probably all the fans, prejudiced and full of fear when I put on the DVD, but soon got positively surprised. The movie IS good, it fits into the original series and all in all, it's not that different from oldschool fridays.
There are still shitloads of stupid, flat charactered twens consuming drugs, having unprotected sexual intercourse, visiting a creepy camp Chrystal Lake and getting the goode, olde Jason treatment. So far so good.
But there are some NEW points to this movie. As we all know, the Nispel/Bay team did a remake of "The Texas chainsaw massacre" some time ago, and they even prequelled it. Same as here, you don't have to like it, it's different in style and tempo from the original, but I found it rather entertaining. AND, big good AND, it brought something very precious into the horror-remake genre: The background stories of them badass killers.
Don't get me wrong, I love the original and the total randomness and the breathtaking confusion that it plants into the hearts of even the bravest, and in it's time, that was new, appropriate and had it's effect. But now the kids scream for sex and violence, and they get it, and thanks to the mentioned team they also get some obscure background infos that revive the legend around the killers. We had that in Nispels TCM, we had that in Zombie's Halloween and we get that in Nispels Friday the 13th.
The movie goes the way of the plupart of the post 2000 horror remakes: More blood, more background and more sex. LOTS MORE SEX. I was surprised what you can do with american mainstream cinema nowadays. Beautiful!
Nispel surely found his style with TCM, as he plays with that through this whole movie. The sets are different but still the same, it's more serious than the original (I don't know how to put it better, the original TCM WAS serious, but Nispel knows how to let them suffer good...).
Like RemakeLeatherface Jason is now just the deformed hillbilly creep he is, has hunting skills and booby traps all over the woods. Until the classic ending he didn't remind me much of the indestructible meanmachine from the 80's.

Over all, it's a fine, entertaining slasher, quite a bit harder and meaner than the originals but it still carries the flag. Watch it, and don't be too biased.

Ah, and Jared Padalecki, you're still little sammy, and you will always be. Your acting was ok, but only because the standard in camp-slashers is low low low. Don't take it personnaly.

Badonkadonk.

I.
Am.
Speechless.



Zombies beware.


Go down in style!



Infos:
The Badonkadonk


Get it from Amazon!


Dude, it has a 400 Watt Stereo. Those undead fuckers will meet their creator to the lovely sound of mating humpback whales...

Donnerstag, 3. Dezember 2009

DR. Wagners Awesome Thursday Statement

Rule #4: Always fasten your seatbelt

Montag, 30. November 2009

Sorry for interrupting you*


Dr. Wagner Awesome-Tuesday-Statement:

"We don't want you to become professional Zombiehunters, we just want you to survive hombres!"

Electricity from the pills in me



Alright, last saturday it was time again for the regular Porcupine Tree concert in munich! It's the 4th time in a row that I saw them guys, and I can't say that I ever get tired of their amazing sound and shows...
They, and especially Steven Wilson, head of state in porcupine Tree county, represent the absolute crème de la crème of post rock for more than ten years now. Their soundscapes and perfection in timing and accuracy don't fail to amaze me everytime I see them live. Everything sounds perfect, like the Studio album, but NOT in a negative way! Never boring or dry. They just know how to work it.

The support group "The Stickmen" could be known to some of you. They tripped us out one awesome hour with their freejazz postrock Zappaesque Hardrock show. Fun fun fun.





Anesthetize goes down to the Pink Floyd roots and does the rocking in the end.



They are creeps and they know it...

Donnerstag, 26. November 2009

...and the crowd goes VaVooooooooooooooooom

Combine everything godlike you can imagine, especially wrestling midgets, striptease performances and fluorescant costumes and you will inevitably come to LUCHA VAVOOM!!!!
Get owned by misticas, sexo y violencia and the angry claws of Mr. Dirty Sanchez!



The own a special place in my heart since "Feast 2"



Lucha! Vavoom!

We just got a little owned

Ok wir ham zwar immer noch mehr style, aber des is auch ned schlecht!

Chocolate Covered Cinnamon Nachos Topped With Chocolate Mousse

Dienstag, 24. November 2009

Blitzkrieg mit dem Fleischgewehr.



So, some months ago I got a very confusing message by a good friend of mine saying something like RAMMSTEIN! DU! KOMMST! and I realised: The Rammstein concert in munich wouldn't happen without us. And you know what? It was of such awesomedaryness, One can hardly describe it. You missed it, me not.
But one of the absolute highlights yesterday evening were supporting Industrial gods from norway, COMBICHRIST. They even fisted Rammstein a bit in my opinion...
But see for yourselves...



Yeah, it is a Dildo micstand, and it is amazing! One for the x-mass wishlist...



Baby puppets exploding to the beats.



Two drummers, destroying their own equipment, painted faces. Combichrist are it...



Oppmerksomhet! Vel bekomme!

Donnerstag, 19. November 2009

Quality music again!

So here we go go again with som precious little things from my collection!
Take a deep breath and listen to the punk:
Beim ersten Mal tut's immer weh by german punkoholics "Abwärts"
Mittageisen sung by our beloved Siouxsie and her Banshees

Something fo you Electro geeks: Know your roots!
Being boiled, a 1980 number by the amazing human league.

Last but not least: James Bond, skafunkulous beast by "The selecter"!!

Lucha-meal-to-heal

Wanna become a real wrestler (=Dr. Wagner-like)? Gotta eat this shit! Minimum 5 times a day, cause livin' in a cinema can be sooooooo boring!


Nachos con Beefico


Nachos combinata with marshmallow fluff é bacon & tomata negra


Nachos left the building....elvis style viva bananas con bacón

We want you for "ZAPATAS"!!!

Join ör die...bitches!!!

German TV killed the Radio star!

We did the laughing.

Dienstag, 17. November 2009

Movietime! > The final terror <

The final terror

Oh yeah! It's 80's Camp Horror time! Bloody hell yeah!
Last Friday every true slasherfan watched one of our all-time favourites: Friday 13th
So did I. I tasted blood again. I flipped through my collection of yet unseen camp-horror-flicks and found todays subject, "The final terror".
Shot in 1981 and released in 1983 this movie exactly hits the right time when it comes to the good olde camping violentia. The soundtrack supports this feeling with cheap but groovy synthie tracks and bloodsimple piano lesson stuff. Lovely.
The style of this one is dark, a little more serious and mean than most other camper slashers, and we don't get so many dead twens. THAT is not a bad thing, don't get me wrong. I appreciate lots of gory deaths and screaming girls running through the woods, I certainly do. Here you get a good amount of both, but more suspense, less blood.
To make it short you get a list of the pro's:

- There's a mental institution near the camp site
- A psychotic busdriver
- There's kinky sex AND dying twens while having it
- Drug abuse
- Hilarious para-military head covers
- Daryl Hannah as scream queen
- A bitter-sweet Friday 13th hommage in the end

Two more things:

Quote: " We've got Romeo and Juliet lost in the woods somewhere, a driver who's an absolute lunatic, a quite unnecessarily broken wrist, I mean, what is wrong with you people?"
Never heard a sentence filled with more accurate awesomeness in a movie!

Towards the end we actually LEARN something from this movie:
If you're ever in the situation of being hunted by a psycho dressing as a bush, dress as bushes yourselves. It's the only way to get to him/her.



Screaming orgasms!

Montag, 16. November 2009

They're coming to get you Barbra...

I know this is old, but for all of you that were born after january 2009 I'd like to present one of the most heroic attempts to warn mankind about the horrible things to come.
In january 2009 some great and brave man or woman (write me, dinner and the movies is on me!) fisted some roadsign in Texas to spread the frightening truth.



Will order mine as soon as I get paid:

Wirkola, oh Wirkola! Great things to come...

Tommy Wirkola, fresh blood in the Nazi Zombie genre gave us one of the better, certainly one of the funniest movies concerning our undead enemies... Død Snø!
The movie geeks amongst you know what I'm talking about, all the others missed something and should watch the movie. I don't care if you're not interested: Watch it.



Now Wirkola takes a shot at another great great genre: Fairy tales!!
There are so many snowwhite, little red riding hood or Alice (Yes, I count that as a fairy tale, blame me) versions that make you puke, so Wirkola's attempt at "Hansel and Gretel" could be quite interesting. It still hurts that we don't get Alice with Marilyn as the queen of hearts, I know, but maybe this helps a bit...



Hansel and Gretel - Out 2010

Donnerstag, 12. November 2009

It puts the lotion on it's skin...

Mucho appreciado silencio del lambs. Period.



Don't mess with Papá Wrestling!

So much pain!



Not for the faint of heart...

Mittwoch, 11. November 2009

Hoeren mit Schmerzen!

Come on, get some industrial music to torture your friends and colleagues with!
I started to digitalize my EP's today so you gonna get some nice pieces of my collection from time to time...

First some stuff from the early industrial age, where industrial was born from Punk, electronic and experimental music of all kind. Listen to the still unbeaten Einstürzende Neubauten song "Stahlversion", their younger "Feurio!", Katastrophentheorie's "Einstand" (some real nasty headcleaner), and Throbbing Gristles "Something came over me".

Have fun, please go to your next musicstore and pay for the records if you like them, these files are only examples to make you wanna buy stuff ...yeah.

Ah, and please don't go to work tomorrow.

EDIT: As usual the Tracker knows to surprise with some serious industrial noise brainflush: "Whitehouse 1985"

Montag, 2. November 2009

The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon

Guess what, this is happening.





Samstag, 31. Oktober 2009

The Worst Case Raaphort Wagner Award... #1!

Just in time for a nice and gory Halloween eve we'd like to give out the first actual Worst Case Raaphort Wagner Award (As you might remember the last one was more a medal of honor for the Maestro R. Raaphorst, the glorious namegiver for this project).
And the winner is....



Zombie Lake!

This piece of movie history is one of the first attempts to introduce our worst enemy of all time, the NAZI ZOMBIES into the business. It's a franco-spanish production from 1981 what's usually very promising in this genre of sleaze and so you can expect the following gruesome features...

- LOTS of rotting, slowly creeping, bloodthirsty and mean Nazi Zombies
- Probably one of the worst makeup jobs in Zombie-movie history
- Again LOTS of naked girls, including one WHOLE female handball team being eaten by these dead aryan guys while skinny dipping in famous Zombie Lake
- Raunchy italian-style softsex-scenes
- A little girl befriending with one handsome WWII general with green in his face, even giving a bowl of blood to the poor hungry guy (!)
- Howard Vernon, AKA the awful Dr. Mabuse...huh...creeps me out...

All these points considered, it's a clear case: This movie must be by all of you!
(As I'm a lucky guy, the movie just popped up on the allmighty Tracker as if they knew we was gonna award it... fate)

Get it!
Zombie Lake

Freitag, 30. Oktober 2009

Ultimate-Weekend-Online-Game

Check it out!!!
Dr. Wagner approved wrestling game

Mittwoch, 28. Oktober 2009

The Kinski

Many people hate him, the rest loves him. Fact is Kinski is great, perhaps because of his blood relationship with El grande Dr. Wagner, but most probably because of the awesome movies he made, the amazing theater he played and everything else he did. What was mainly yelling at people or getting on their nerves some other way.
As I said, a great man.

Here you get some special Kinski goodness, a poem by Villon, fantastically performed by the Maestro Kinsko.
Snatch it!

Movietime! >The Evil dead Trilogy<

Evil dead

Evil dead II

Hoho, time for some real classic doublefeature.
Sometimes, when I am in a good mood, I grab my blanket, cook up some grog and hot chocolate, turn out the lights and take out my holy DVD set of The Evil Dead. There it goes into the player and I'm all smiles for aproximately three hours. The reason? I don't know.
Watching the evil dead movies (I only speak about the first two, army of darkness is fun, but more the get-fucked-up-with-friends-and-beer sort of movie, not the feels-like-coming-home-drinking-hot-chocolate-thing) is more like a spiritual experience to me. Over the years I saw each of them like a gazillion times and never got tired of yelling "Hey, repeat that scene!" or "Let's watch the first one again, sun's not up yet."
Every scene is burned into my brain like my own name, I watched every interview with the crew, read everything there is to read about the films (The bible is so yesterday, get your copy of The Evil Dead Companion!) and so on. You know what I mean, I adore these films, and you should, too.
I won't say anything about the story here, except that there ARE zombies, stupid twens and odd camera races. You gotta watch and enjoy them yourselves.
The links above will lead you to probably the most complete collection concerning the movies. There are interviews, behind the scenes footage, TV comercials and everything else you ever wanted to see when it comes to the evil dead.
(Naturally to be found on THE TRACKER! Thanks a lot dear Kinkyqueen!)




Another thing you should definitely have in your collection is this:
Evil dead - The musical!

May I quote some of them lyrics:

"What the fuck was that?
Your sister has turned into a zombie...
What the fuck was that?
Your girlfriend was a demon, too!
What the fuck was that?
She just ripped my pre-ripped Abercrombie...
What the fuck was that?
I got some Shelley on my shoes!"

Lovely? Lovely!

Dienstag, 27. Oktober 2009

Dr. Wagner, he ate Superman and now can fly!

Get drunk the professional way: Le petit gregory

Le petit Gregory, many have been owned big time by this drink. Me included.
What might be just a regular Gin Tonic can become a major brainfuck if you petitgregorize it:
Take your best drinking comrades, arm yourself with twine and sewing needles and lock all of you in a room, furnished only with big kegs of stoneless olives, bottles of Gin and Tonic water and last but not least: heaps of sugar cubes.
(Usually this ritual is performed at a bar, close to closing time with an enerved barkeep to do the tricky part for you... but this is only for the reckless.)
Sit in a circle and start use a piece of twine, a needle, an olive and ONE sugarcube to prepare your Petit Gregory.
It should look somewhat like the photo I wanted to add here, but my fuckin fuck camera fucking doesn't do anything without fucking batteries. As a consolation I added a photo of a little cinema in Paris where I watched Mad Max once.


Back to topic. You tie your olive to the sugarcube and get ready for the exciting part: You all throw your little bastards into the teethgrinder Gin-tonic you mixed before, at the same time.
The rest is easy explained, you wait, and the poor schlock whose Gregory surfaces first, looses, has to gulp down his drink and may be insulted. That's it.
Doesn't sound too exciting, huh? It isn't the first round...
Get to round 7 and the sugar-pushed Gin will do his duty and the preparing part will get pretty funny.

Just watch C'est arrivé près de chez vous (Mann beißt Hund/Man bites dog) to get an idea of the total awesomeness of this drink, and some interesting historical background, as it has to do with drowning children and such. Always twice the weight, Rémy...

EDIT: Found those batteries:

Jesus Wagner FUBAR Crew Survivalguide

If hell is full, the end is near and doom raises for the big slaughtering there's only one person manifesting the whole world's manpower who can save us all. He will save mother earth and fists the bunch of ugly creatures back to hell.
We proudly present your godhead, the slayer of all evil:

DR. WAGNER

Movietime! >Rituals from 1977<

Rituals

Alright, let's take a look at this...
We have:
5 close childhood friends (All of them docs like old me) out for a nice weekend trip in the canadian backwoods.
Mysteeeeeeeerious events like missing shoes, strange lights and sound from the dark.
One typical "I'll go and get help, you wait here for me" situation...priceless.
SPOILER!
One disgusting sonovabitch doctor-slaughtering-vietnam-malpractise freak who does everything to scare our poor, poor fellow doctores.
Ok, sound like another senseless but nontheless neccessary Deliverance rip-off, and most of the time, especially in the first half, it is. But it feels surprisingly good!
I don't know what exactly happened to my brain when I watched this movie, but I started to like it mucho and I think I still do...
The atmosphere is solid most of the time, creepy at the best parts and eerie throughout the whole movie. We have nerve tingling survival horror in the rapids of the whatever river (did I mention Deliverance?), a long and mean end, a killer who stays hidden most of the time and almost surrealistic near death hiking fun through beautiful nature sets!
Loved the movie, watch it.


Our heroes before...


...and after vietnam-malpractise-revenge-action.

Ah, and please appreciate the awesome acting of Robin Gammel, he kicks ass in this movie.

Get trackered today.

As you all should know, real Lucha Lubricante veterans dig trash, sleaze and the olde B-movie madness in general. We are no exception.
To give you a little look at what expects you if you hang with us, take a close look at the nerve-bashing TRACKER of the unholy ZAERC!

Tracker 3

It is highly recommended to download everything that comes on at least once, twice is better, as always...
In case you are afraid of all the mere crap presented to you on the TRACKER, don't panic:
We here at the Jesus Wagner FUBAR HQ watch/listen to/read/consume every piece of shocking garbage that comes on and will, as far as we survive, give you detailed comments on the most interesting uploads!

On second thought, better not come near the TRACKER, torrent business might be illegal in some places on this here planet, and especially these torrents might be bad for your health. DON'T DOWNLOAD!

The Doc

Montag, 26. Oktober 2009

Wanna see the real shit???

Ok here we go!!!Alle haben es sich schon gefragt,aber keiner kannte bis jetzt die Antwort. Wer sind die zwei Männer hinter diesem unbeschreiblichen, atemberaubendem, neue Ansichten öffnenden, übermenschlichen Blog???
Sollen wir es wirklich tun? Wollt ihr es wirklich sehn? JA DAS WOLLT IHR!!!!
Get ready for the real shit. Das allererste Foto der 2 Genies hinter dem Ganzen......
we proudly present: "The Jesus Wagner FUBAR Crew"

Sonntag, 25. Oktober 2009

Wagnerpedia, Episode one: Nachoerus Cactaceae


Systematik:
Abteilung: Dreiecksrindensträucher
Klasse: queso nachoea
Unterklasse: chipsähnlich
Ordnung: Knabbergebäck (salzig)
Familie: Nachokakteen

Der Nachoerus Cactaceae, eine Unterart der essbaren Kakteen, ist eine sehr rar vertretene Spezies die meist in verschieden Arten (salzig, barbecue, cheese) in einer Pflanzengemeinschaft auftritt. Zu finden ist sie nur an den südlichen Westhängen nahe der Stadt El Ray. Essbar an den Kakteen ist lediglich die Rinde. Der dreiecksförmig gestaltete Cortex löst sich am Ende des Fruchtstadiums vom Rest des Baums und kann mittels aufgehängter Netze gesammelt und direkt eingetütet werden. Zusätzlich kann der Kakteensaft (lat. caseus sucus) mittels geeigneter Rohr- und Trichtersysteme gewonnen. Je nach Art der Gattung sind auch Bäume mit rotem Saft (lat. salsae sucus) zu finden.

Dr Wagner, last boy scout.

Additionally to watching some neat cheek to cheek dancing in the ring you are hereby invited to kneel down in awe before the ultimate awesomeness of LA MISTICA!

For those of you who are not into pain-in-the-guts-for-Dr-Wagners-opponents, but are open for some godly sign of fuckin yeah, what definitely is LA MISTICA, just jump to second 0:50...

Enjoy it from the distance until he does it to you in front of your parents. 

Be sure he will.

Alcohol. Do it.

Need persuasion? 

24/7 Cheerleading! Our only way to survive!

FINALLY someone has found the secret weapon to make the world a better place. 

To keep up a normal way of live all, repeat ALL, cute Cheerleading females of the western world now MUST keep cheerleading, jumping, running around and building these sweaty but arousing all-body pyramids all the time. Now our planet will still wither and die, but at least the male part will go down smiling.

By the way, as this is obviously NO fake, we're incredibly sorry for the cute girl below. It's a little, embarrasing and painful step for you, but a fairly big one for mankind. 

Hereby we declare this true.

Erste Amtshandlung: Die unregelmäßige Verleihung des "Worst Case Raaphorst Wagner Award"


In the future this award will go to Persons or corporations who contribute to the great and mentally deficient theme of Nazi Zombies in works of fiction OR non-fiction.
Our attention goes mainly to the following criteria:
- Incoherent OR coherent use of mentioned Zombie minority concerning plot and basic idea
- Political uncorrectness
- Disregard of historical facts given

All these criteria included in your work, your chances of becoming the next holder of our famous "Worst Case Raaphorst Wagner award" grow exorbitantly.
The name of the award was created in honor of the great and underrated dutch réalisateur Richard Raaphorst and our beloved idol, the one and onion Dr. Wagner, world's only hope against the army of Nazi zombies waiting at the gates of Ingolstadt, Bavaria.

Therefore this first award, or better this founding trophy, goes to maestro Richard Raaphorst and his movie "Worst case scenario" unfortunately canelled because of financial problems. But there is hope...Frankensteins Army is approaching...

Sincerely yours,
The Jesus Wagner FUBAR Crew

In honor of the great & onion Dr. Wagner

Wir sind da, ihr habt es so gewollt!!! In Zukunft werdet ihr durch uns, a hungry horde of wild NaziZombies and the holy ghost of Dr. Wagner (always present) belästigenderweise educated über alles was ihr niemals wissen wolltet.
Welcome to our faily frickin world of nonsense and disaster...

It's GoGo, not CryCry...Bitches!