The Worst Case Raaphort Wagner Award... #1!

Just in time for a nice and gory Halloween eve we'd like to give out the first actual Worst Case Raaphort Wagner Award (As you might remember the last one was more a medal of honor for the Maestro R. Raaphorst, the glorious namegiver for this project).
And the winner is....



Zombie Lake!

This piece of movie history is one of the first attempts to introduce our worst enemy of all time, the NAZI ZOMBIES into the business. It's a franco-spanish production from 1981 what's usually very promising in this genre of sleaze and so you can expect the following gruesome features...

- LOTS of rotting, slowly creeping, bloodthirsty and mean Nazi Zombies
- Probably one of the worst makeup jobs in Zombie-movie history
- Again LOTS of naked girls, including one WHOLE female handball team being eaten by these dead aryan guys while skinny dipping in famous Zombie Lake
- Raunchy italian-style softsex-scenes
- A little girl befriending with one handsome WWII general with green in his face, even giving a bowl of blood to the poor hungry guy (!)
- Howard Vernon, AKA the awful Dr. Mabuse...huh...creeps me out...

All these points considered, it's a clear case: This movie must be by all of you!
(As I'm a lucky guy, the movie just popped up on the allmighty Tracker as if they knew we was gonna award it... fate)

Get it!
Zombie Lake

Ultimate-Weekend-Online-Game

Check it out!!!
Dr. Wagner approved wrestling game

The Kinski

Many people hate him, the rest loves him. Fact is Kinski is great, perhaps because of his blood relationship with El grande Dr. Wagner, but most probably because of the awesome movies he made, the amazing theater he played and everything else he did. What was mainly yelling at people or getting on their nerves some other way.
As I said, a great man.

Here you get some special Kinski goodness, a poem by Villon, fantastically performed by the Maestro Kinsko.
Snatch it!

Movietime! >The Evil dead Trilogy<

Evil dead

Evil dead II

Hoho, time for some real classic doublefeature.
Sometimes, when I am in a good mood, I grab my blanket, cook up some grog and hot chocolate, turn out the lights and take out my holy DVD set of The Evil Dead. There it goes into the player and I'm all smiles for aproximately three hours. The reason? I don't know.
Watching the evil dead movies (I only speak about the first two, army of darkness is fun, but more the get-fucked-up-with-friends-and-beer sort of movie, not the feels-like-coming-home-drinking-hot-chocolate-thing) is more like a spiritual experience to me. Over the years I saw each of them like a gazillion times and never got tired of yelling "Hey, repeat that scene!" or "Let's watch the first one again, sun's not up yet."
Every scene is burned into my brain like my own name, I watched every interview with the crew, read everything there is to read about the films (The bible is so yesterday, get your copy of The Evil Dead Companion!) and so on. You know what I mean, I adore these films, and you should, too.
I won't say anything about the story here, except that there ARE zombies, stupid twens and odd camera races. You gotta watch and enjoy them yourselves.
The links above will lead you to probably the most complete collection concerning the movies. There are interviews, behind the scenes footage, TV comercials and everything else you ever wanted to see when it comes to the evil dead.
(Naturally to be found on THE TRACKER! Thanks a lot dear Kinkyqueen!)




Another thing you should definitely have in your collection is this:
Evil dead - The musical!

May I quote some of them lyrics:

"What the fuck was that?
Your sister has turned into a zombie...
What the fuck was that?
Your girlfriend was a demon, too!
What the fuck was that?
She just ripped my pre-ripped Abercrombie...
What the fuck was that?
I got some Shelley on my shoes!"

Lovely? Lovely!

Dr. Wagner, he ate Superman and now can fly!

Get drunk the professional way: Le petit gregory

Le petit Gregory, many have been owned big time by this drink. Me included.
What might be just a regular Gin Tonic can become a major brainfuck if you petitgregorize it:
Take your best drinking comrades, arm yourself with twine and sewing needles and lock all of you in a room, furnished only with big kegs of stoneless olives, bottles of Gin and Tonic water and last but not least: heaps of sugar cubes.
(Usually this ritual is performed at a bar, close to closing time with an enerved barkeep to do the tricky part for you... but this is only for the reckless.)
Sit in a circle and start use a piece of twine, a needle, an olive and ONE sugarcube to prepare your Petit Gregory.
It should look somewhat like the photo I wanted to add here, but my fuckin fuck camera fucking doesn't do anything without fucking batteries. As a consolation I added a photo of a little cinema in Paris where I watched Mad Max once.


Back to topic. You tie your olive to the sugarcube and get ready for the exciting part: You all throw your little bastards into the teethgrinder Gin-tonic you mixed before, at the same time.
The rest is easy explained, you wait, and the poor schlock whose Gregory surfaces first, looses, has to gulp down his drink and may be insulted. That's it.
Doesn't sound too exciting, huh? It isn't the first round...
Get to round 7 and the sugar-pushed Gin will do his duty and the preparing part will get pretty funny.

Just watch C'est arrivé près de chez vous (Mann beißt Hund/Man bites dog) to get an idea of the total awesomeness of this drink, and some interesting historical background, as it has to do with drowning children and such. Always twice the weight, Rémy...

EDIT: Found those batteries:

Jesus Wagner FUBAR Crew Survivalguide

If hell is full, the end is near and doom raises for the big slaughtering there's only one person manifesting the whole world's manpower who can save us all. He will save mother earth and fists the bunch of ugly creatures back to hell.
We proudly present your godhead, the slayer of all evil:

DR. WAGNER

Movietime! >Rituals from 1977<

Rituals

Alright, let's take a look at this...
We have:
5 close childhood friends (All of them docs like old me) out for a nice weekend trip in the canadian backwoods.
Mysteeeeeeeerious events like missing shoes, strange lights and sound from the dark.
One typical "I'll go and get help, you wait here for me" situation...priceless.
SPOILER!
One disgusting sonovabitch doctor-slaughtering-vietnam-malpractise freak who does everything to scare our poor, poor fellow doctores.
Ok, sound like another senseless but nontheless neccessary Deliverance rip-off, and most of the time, especially in the first half, it is. But it feels surprisingly good!
I don't know what exactly happened to my brain when I watched this movie, but I started to like it mucho and I think I still do...
The atmosphere is solid most of the time, creepy at the best parts and eerie throughout the whole movie. We have nerve tingling survival horror in the rapids of the whatever river (did I mention Deliverance?), a long and mean end, a killer who stays hidden most of the time and almost surrealistic near death hiking fun through beautiful nature sets!
Loved the movie, watch it.


Our heroes before...


...and after vietnam-malpractise-revenge-action.

Ah, and please appreciate the awesome acting of Robin Gammel, he kicks ass in this movie.

Get trackered today.

As you all should know, real Lucha Lubricante veterans dig trash, sleaze and the olde B-movie madness in general. We are no exception.
To give you a little look at what expects you if you hang with us, take a close look at the nerve-bashing TRACKER of the unholy ZAERC!

Tracker 3

It is highly recommended to download everything that comes on at least once, twice is better, as always...
In case you are afraid of all the mere crap presented to you on the TRACKER, don't panic:
We here at the Jesus Wagner FUBAR HQ watch/listen to/read/consume every piece of shocking garbage that comes on and will, as far as we survive, give you detailed comments on the most interesting uploads!

On second thought, better not come near the TRACKER, torrent business might be illegal in some places on this here planet, and especially these torrents might be bad for your health. DON'T DOWNLOAD!

The Doc

Wanna see the real shit???

Ok here we go!!!Alle haben es sich schon gefragt,aber keiner kannte bis jetzt die Antwort. Wer sind die zwei Männer hinter diesem unbeschreiblichen, atemberaubendem, neue Ansichten öffnenden, übermenschlichen Blog???
Sollen wir es wirklich tun? Wollt ihr es wirklich sehn? JA DAS WOLLT IHR!!!!
Get ready for the real shit. Das allererste Foto der 2 Genies hinter dem Ganzen......
we proudly present: "The Jesus Wagner FUBAR Crew"

Wagnerpedia, Episode one: Nachoerus Cactaceae

Systematik:
Abteilung: Dreiecksrindensträucher
Klasse: queso nachoea
Unterklasse: chipsähnlich
Ordnung: Knabbergebäck (salzig)
Familie: Nachokakteen

Der Nachoerus Cactaceae, eine Unterart der essbaren Kakteen, ist eine sehr rar vertretene Spezies die meist in verschieden Arten (salzig, barbecue, cheese) in einer Pflanzengemeinschaft auftritt. Zu finden ist sie nur an den südlichen Westhängen nahe der Stadt El Ray. Essbar an den Kakteen ist lediglich die Rinde. Der dreiecksförmig gestaltete Cortex löst sich am Ende des Fruchtstadiums vom Rest des Baums und kann mittels aufgehängter Netze gesammelt und direkt eingetütet werden. Zusätzlich kann der Kakteensaft (lat. caseus sucus) mittels geeigneter Rohr- und Trichtersysteme gewonnen. Je nach Art der Gattung sind auch Bäume mit rotem Saft (lat. salsae sucus) zu finden.

Dr Wagner, last boy scout.

Additionally to watching some neat cheek to cheek dancing in the ring you are hereby invited to kneel down in awe before the ultimate awesomeness of LA MISTICA!

For those of you who are not into pain-in-the-guts-for-Dr-Wagners-opponents, but are open for some godly sign of fuckin yeah, what definitely is LA MISTICA, just jump to second 0:50...

Enjoy it from the distance until he does it to you in front of your parents. 

Be sure he will.

Alcohol. Do it.

Need persuasion? 

24/7 Cheerleading! Our only way to survive!

FINALLY someone has found the secret weapon to make the world a better place. 

To keep up a normal way of live all, repeat ALL, cute Cheerleading females of the western world now MUST keep cheerleading, jumping, running around and building these sweaty but arousing all-body pyramids all the time. Now our planet will still wither and die, but at least the male part will go down smiling.

By the way, as this is obviously NO fake, we're incredibly sorry for the cute girl below. It's a little, embarrasing and painful step for you, but a fairly big one for mankind. 

Hereby we declare this true.

Erste Amtshandlung: Die unregelmäßige Verleihung des "Worst Case Raaphorst Wagner Award"

In the future this award will go to Persons or corporations who contribute to the great and mentally deficient theme of Nazi Zombies in works of fiction OR non-fiction.
Our attention goes mainly to the following criteria:
- Incoherent OR coherent use of mentioned Zombie minority concerning plot and basic idea
- Political uncorrectness
- Disregard of historical facts given

All these criteria included in your work, your chances of becoming the next holder of our famous "Worst Case Raaphorst Wagner award" grow exorbitantly.
The name of the award was created in honor of the great and underrated dutch réalisateur Richard Raaphorst and our beloved idol, the one and onion Dr. Wagner, world's only hope against the army of Nazi zombies waiting at the gates of Ingolstadt, Bavaria.

Therefore this first award, or better this founding trophy, goes to maestro Richard Raaphorst and his movie "Worst case scenario" unfortunately canelled because of financial problems. But there is hope...Frankensteins Army is approaching...

Sincerely yours,
The Jesus Wagner FUBAR Crew

In honor of the great & onion Dr. Wagner

Wir sind da, ihr habt es so gewollt!!! In Zukunft werdet ihr durch uns, a hungry horde of wild NaziZombies and the holy ghost of Dr. Wagner (always present) belästigenderweise educated über alles was ihr niemals wissen wolltet.
Welcome to our faily frickin world of nonsense and disaster...

It's GoGo, not CryCry...Bitches!