Samstag, 26. Dezember 2009

Haunted



I just finished reading this great work of fiction, best thing to do on the christmas days... I KNOW YOU CANT READ! I MAKE IT SHORT!

This book is by far not the best thing Chuck Palahniuk created, I would put it rather at the bad end of his work, but it's still worth a read and has it's moments. Really does hard.
All in all this is a collection of short stories, held together by a rather conceptual background story about a writer's retreat the grande bouffe way. Madness all around me, I feel it in my toes... or not, beacause toes and fingers get hacked of by the rate of 2 per page. Cruel.
That's also the overall characteristic of the stories, cruel. Cruel and genious. Palahniuk does what he does best and that is to show how unbelievably fucked up our world is, and how his charcters cope with that in their unconventional and exemplaric way. So far nothing new, but like most authors he can concentrate his ideas better than in the longer novels. The novels are better, but here, every story kicks your nuts hard and some, like "guts", "Speaking bitterness" or "exodus" even stay with you for various reasons.



If you really like to read his best stuff, read "Rant", "Invisible monster", "Choke" and "Fight Club". Then read his other novels. Then read "Haunted".
You won't be disappointed.

Sonntag, 20. Dezember 2009

Back with the living...

You might have noticed I didn't get around posting stuff for a while... This has a reason, and probably one of the best!
My last two weeks were a bone crashing, gut munching low ammo nightmare par excellence because, you already geussed it, right?
Yeah, I did the marathon.

As I only got a PS2 at the moment (Gamecube is on the way, got it for 12 € on ebay ;)
the playing concentrated on:

- Resident evil PSX
< The first release, so no chosing difficulties. Lord, I hate snakes. Finished with both Chris and Jill.>

- Resident evil 2 PSX
< Hard difficulty. Finished only with Leon. Second disc scrached, so no claire, already ordered the gamecube version.>

- Resident evil 4 PS2
< Normal difficulty. Finished 20 minutes ago. Professional mode is waiting.>

- Resident evil Outbreak File #1 PS2
< About a thousand times on different difficulties, but what counts: All scenarios on very hard.>

That's it, now I can sleep again ;)
Zero, Rebirth, second and third, all for gamecube, are on it's way, this will be a rather messy christmas. Ah, and just for relaxing purposes I finished Silent hill 2 two more times, once to get the last ending (dog^^) and the last time for a perfect rating/Green spray. I wanted to do that for years now...

Got more time now, so await more posting from my side!
Gory christmess...

Samstag, 19. Dezember 2009

Ultimate-Christmas-Presents-della-Lucha

Hey little suckers....allready got your presents on your back?
Here's what Dr. Wagner would buy!

#1: You like the smell of coffee in the morning?Now you can smell Dr. Wagner coffee!


#2: Want something to eat for breakfast and to join your delicious lucha coffee?Feel free to make yourself some cupcakes....lucha style!


#3: After a perfect start of the day you wanna hit the toilet?But not without a nice read! IMAGE COMICS Lucha Libre


#4: Now tie your shoes and get ready for ultimate training!


#5: Don't forget your gymbag!


#6: There's only one hoody to wear if you train like a real wrestlingstar!


#7: Damn what time is it?Hell yeah time for workout!


#8: After a awesome day of lucha training you're feeling really hungry?Let's do it!


Any questions?Now get out and catch some presents!May Dr. Waagner bless you and feliz Navidad.

Samstag, 12. Dezember 2009

Make yourself a Twinkie



Ingredients for the cake:

* Non-stick spray
* 4 egg whites
* 1 16-oz (about 450g) box of golden pound cake mix
* 2/3 cup(about 475ml) of water

Ingredients for the filling:

* 2 tsp very hot water
* 1/4 tsp salt
* 1/2 cup shortening
* 1/3 cup powdered sugar
* 1/2 tsp vanilla
* 2 cups marshmallow creme (or one 7 oz jar)

Instructions:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit/160-ish degrees Celcius/Gas Mark 3.
2. Make the molds out of aluminium foil as per the instructions in the video, you will need about 10 of them, and don’t forget to use the non-stick spray!
3. Beat the egg whites until stiff as per the video. In a separate bowl combine the cake mix with water and beat until thoroughly blended. Then, pour the egg whites into the cake mix and slowly combine until blended.
4. Pour the batter into the molds such that it’s about 3/4 of an inch deep in each one. Bake in the pre-heated oven for around 30 minutes, or until the cakes are golden brown and a toothpick will come out clean.
5. To do the cream filling, first mix the salt into the bowl of hot water, and mix until the salt is dissolved. Let it cool.
6. Combine the marshmallow creme, shortening, powdered sugar, and vanilla in a bowl and mix until light and airy.
7. Pour the salt water solution in and mix.
8. When the cakes are done, just use a chopstick and bag or pastry gun as in the video to inject the cream filling.

Rules of Zombieland

#1 Cardio
#2 Double Tap
#3 Wear seatbelts
#4 Beware of Bathrooms
#5 No Attachments
#6 Cast Iron Skillet
#7 Travel Light
#8 Kill with efficiency
#9 Always work on your mexican wrestlingstyle
#10 Show no mercy, it's not your mom anymore
#11 Get a singlehanded steel crowbar
#12 Bounty paper towels
#13 Never get in close combat
#14 Shoot a amateur porn (It could be your last)
#15 Bowling Ball
#16 Support your local cinema
#17 (Don't) Be a hero
#18 Limber Up
#19 Get a kickass partner
#20 Don't swing low
#21 Avoid Strip Clubs
#22 When in doubt, know your way out
#23 Shoot first...why spend time for talking
#24 Twinkies don't last forever
#25 (Don't) Do the robot when in danger
#26 Just try to survive
#27 Pump up the volume
#28 Always carry a change of underwear
#29 The Buddy System
#30 It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Unless it is a sprint, then sprint
#31 Check the back seat
#32 Enjoy the little things
#33 Swiss Army knife

#1 Zombie-Movietime-Award

Hell yeah we got our first winner:


You wanna know why? Cause it's a fuckin' awesome movie or let's say: "Time to nut up or shut up!"
So what do we got? OK here's the deal!
It's 30% zombies in their whole variety,...



20% for Thallahassee and his all purpose quotes,...



and 50% of rules to follow!!!!
(Don't panic, you'll get them in a seperate post....yes all of them, all 33 rules of Zombieland)

For those of you little pussys who ask themselves right now:"What the hell?That's all?"
Of course not, here's the joker!A 100% bonus goes out for: Emma Stone!!!

Dienstag, 8. Dezember 2009

Movietime! > Friday the 13th <



Here we go!
Again I could write 60 pages for you on these movies, but I will keep it short.
The "Friday the 13th" series represents the 80's slasher genre like nothing else. Alongside "Halloween", "A nightmare on Elmstreet", "Child's play" and perhaps "Leprechaun", Monsieur Vorhees and his beloved Momster rocked the horror business hard in these times.
I put Jason before Myers, Krueger, Chucky and all the others, but everybody has his darling amongst the mentioned characters, and everybody has a gazillion reasons why one of them is better than the other. Let's not talk about that here.
The reason I'm reviewing this series here is that I finally had the time to watch the remake, and I gotta say, I liked it. I kid you not.


I was, like probably all the fans, prejudiced and full of fear when I put on the DVD, but soon got positively surprised. The movie IS good, it fits into the original series and all in all, it's not that different from oldschool fridays.
There are still shitloads of stupid, flat charactered twens consuming drugs, having unprotected sexual intercourse, visiting a creepy camp Chrystal Lake and getting the goode, olde Jason treatment. So far so good.
But there are some NEW points to this movie. As we all know, the Nispel/Bay team did a remake of "The Texas chainsaw massacre" some time ago, and they even prequelled it. Same as here, you don't have to like it, it's different in style and tempo from the original, but I found it rather entertaining. AND, big good AND, it brought something very precious into the horror-remake genre: The background stories of them badass killers.
Don't get me wrong, I love the original and the total randomness and the breathtaking confusion that it plants into the hearts of even the bravest, and in it's time, that was new, appropriate and had it's effect. But now the kids scream for sex and violence, and they get it, and thanks to the mentioned team they also get some obscure background infos that revive the legend around the killers. We had that in Nispels TCM, we had that in Zombie's Halloween and we get that in Nispels Friday the 13th.
The movie goes the way of the plupart of the post 2000 horror remakes: More blood, more background and more sex. LOTS MORE SEX. I was surprised what you can do with american mainstream cinema nowadays. Beautiful!
Nispel surely found his style with TCM, as he plays with that through this whole movie. The sets are different but still the same, it's more serious than the original (I don't know how to put it better, the original TCM WAS serious, but Nispel knows how to let them suffer good...).
Like RemakeLeatherface Jason is now just the deformed hillbilly creep he is, has hunting skills and booby traps all over the woods. Until the classic ending he didn't remind me much of the indestructible meanmachine from the 80's.

Over all, it's a fine, entertaining slasher, quite a bit harder and meaner than the originals but it still carries the flag. Watch it, and don't be too biased.

Ah, and Jared Padalecki, you're still little sammy, and you will always be. Your acting was ok, but only because the standard in camp-slashers is low low low. Don't take it personnaly.

Badonkadonk.

I.
Am.
Speechless.



Zombies beware.


Go down in style!



Infos:
The Badonkadonk


Get it from Amazon!


Dude, it has a 400 Watt Stereo. Those undead fuckers will meet their creator to the lovely sound of mating humpback whales...

Donnerstag, 3. Dezember 2009

DR. Wagners Awesome Thursday Statement

Rule #4: Always fasten your seatbelt